While trying to think of something to write about I received this from a friend. I know it was compiled with humor and no malicious feelings. I hope all will enjoy this with the humor as it was intended.
When I travel, people often ask me why I live in the Philippines ?
Well here it is.....It is the only place on earth where......
1. Every street has a basketball court.
2. Even doctors, lawyers and engineers are unemployed.
3. Doctors study to become nurses for employment abroad.
4. Students pay more money than they will earn afterwards.
5. School is considered the second home and the mall considered the third.
6. Call-center employees earn more money than teachers and nurses.
7. Everyone has his personal ghost story and superstition.
8. Mountains like Makiling and Banahaw are considered holy places.
9. Everything can be forged.
10. All kinds of animals are edible.
11. Starbucks coffee is more expensive than gas.
12. Driving 4 kms can take as much as four hours.
13. Flyovers bring you from the freeway to the side streets.
14. Crossing the street involves running for your dear life.
15. The personal computer is mainly used for games and Friendster.
16. Where colonial mentality is dishonestly denied!
17. Where 4 a.m. is not even considered bedtime yet.
18. People can pay to defy the law.
19. Everything and everyone is spoofed.
20. Where even the poverty-stricken get to wear Ralph Lauren and Tommy Hilfiger(peke)!
21. The honking of car horns is a way of life.
22. Being called a bum is never offensive.
23. Flood waters take up more than 90 percent of the streets during the rainy season.
24. Where everyone has a relative abroad who keeps them alive.
25. Where wearing your national colors make you baduy.
26. Where even the poverty-stricken have the latest cell phones. (GSM-galing samagnanakaw)27. Where insurance does not work.
28. Where water can only be classified as tap and dirty.
29. Clean water is for sale (35 pesos per gallon).
30. Where the government makes the people pray for miracles. (Amen to that!)
31. Where University of the Philippines where all the weird people go.
32. Ateneo is where all the nerds go.
33. La Salle is where all the Chinese go.
34.. College of Saint Benilde is where all the stupid Chinese go and;
35. University of Asia and the Pacific is where all the irrelevantly rich people go.
36. Fast food is a diet meal.
37. Traffic signs are merely suggestions, not regulations.
38. Where being mugged is normal and It happens to everyone.
39. Rodents are normal house pets.
40. The definition of traffic is the 'non-movement' of vehicles.
41. Where the fighter planes of the 1940s are used for military engagements and;
42. The new fighter planes are displayed in museums.
43. Where cigarettes and alcohol are a necessity, and where the lottery is a commodity.
44. Where soap operas tell the realities of life and where the news provides the drama.
45. Where actors make the rules and where politicians provide the entertainment.
46. People can get away with stealing trillions of pesos but not a thousand.
47. Where being an hour late is still considered punctual (Grabe talaga 'to!)
48. Where the squatters have more to complain (even if they do not pay their tax) - than those employed and have their tax automatically deducted from their salaries.
49. And where everyone wants to leave the country!
FILIPINO SIGNS OF WIT:
1. The sign in a flower shop in Diliman called Petal Attraction.
2. Anita Bakery
3. A 24-hour restaurant called Doris Day & Night
4. Barber shop called Felix The Cut;5. A bakery named Bread Pitt
6. Fast-food place selling 'maruya' (banana fritters) called Maruya Carey.
7. Then, there are Christopher Plumbing
8. A boutique called The Way We Wear
9. A video rental shop called Leon King Video Rental
10. A restaurant in Cainta district of Rizal called Caintacky Fried Chicken
11. A local burger restaurant called Mang Donald's
12. A doughnut shop called MacDonuts
13. A shop selling 'lumpia' (egg roll) in Makati called Wrap and Roll
14. And two butcher shops called Meating Place and Meatropolis.
Smart travelers can decipher what may look like baffling signs to unaccustomed foreigners by simply sounding out the 'Taglish'(The Philippine version of English words spelled and pronounced with a heavy Filipino such as:
15. At a restaurant menu in Cebu ? We hab sopdrink in can an in batol?
[translation:We have soft drinks in can and in bottle].
16. Then, there is a sewing accessories shop called Bids And Pises -
[translation: Beads and Pieces --or-- Bits and Pieces]
There are also many signs with either badly chosen or misspelled words but they are usually so entertaining that it would be a mistake to 'correct' them like.......
17. In a restaurant in Baguio City , the 'summer capital' of the Philippines:
Wanted: Boy Waitress.
18. On a highway in Pampanga: We Make Modern Antique Furniture
19. On the window of a photography shop in Cabanatuan : We Shoot You While You Wait
20. And on the glass front of a cafe in Panay Avenue in Manila :
Wanted:Waiter, Cashier,Washier.
Some of the notices can even give a wrong impression such as:
21. A shoe store in Pangasinan which has a sign saying: We Sell Imported Robber Shoes? (these could be the 'sneakiest' sneakers)
22. A rental property sign in Jaro reads: House For Rent, Fully Furnaced(it must really be hot inside)!
23. Occasionally, one could come across signs that are truly unique - if not altogether odd. City in southern Philippines which said: ?Adults: 1 peso; Child: 50centavos; Cadavers: fare subject to negotiation
24. European tourists may also be intrigued to discover two competing shops selling hopia (a Chinese pastry) called Holland Hopia and Poland Hopia- which are owned and operated by two local Chinese entrepreneurs, Mr. Ho and Mr. Po respectively - (believe it or not)
25. Some folks also 'creatively' redesign English to be more efficient.?The creative confusion between language and culture leads to more than just simple unintentional errors in syntax, but in the adoption of new words, says reader Robert Goodfellow who came across a sign .....House Fersallarend' (house for sale or rent). Why use five words when two will do.
26. According to Manila businessman, Tonyboy Ongsiako, there is so much wit in the Philippines because we are a country where a good sense of humor is needed to survive. We have a 24-hour comedy show here called the government and a huge reserve of comedians made up mostly of politicians and bad actors.
Now I ask you where else in the world would one want to live?
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Monday, January 14, 2008
Amusing Tales While Visiting Manila
Elena and I have made a few short trips to Manila and had some funny and interesting happenings while there.
Last summer Elena and I had to go to Manila. We had used a small bag to check in with the airline but had a backpack to carry on with meds, a book and incidentals.
When we were returning, I accidently packed my toiletry bag in the backpack. While going through Security at the airport, the man at the X-ray scanner called over to one of the Security officers saying “He has an aerosol in the bag”
The Security officer motions for me to open the bag and remove the aerosol container. As I remove my tiny travel Deodorant can he says to me as he points to his under arm “Oh Sir, you need that for Protection, you keep that.”
This week we had to go to Manila to officially cancel the petition for Elena’s Fiancée Visa and get her passport back and also get an Affidavit from the US Embassy so we can get married in the Philippines. Because we had to go to 2 departments we decided to fly on Wednesday morning and return Thursday evening.
If you’re a smoker, here is a warning to anyone going to the US Embassy in Manila. Cell phones, digital cameras, cigarettes and lighters are not allowed to be brought into the Embassy. As you go through security, they will take your cell phones and digital cameras and give you a numbered card to retrieve, but they will not hold your lighters or cigarettes. So not to lose them, leave them in your hotel.
Last august while visiting Davao, I was invited to a group called The Friends of Mindanao. They are a social, support and networking group for foreigners. While at the meeting I met a lot of nice people, one being John Browning, a architectural designer from Denver Colorado.
Back to the story:
We arrived in Manila about 9:30AM and took a taxi to the US Embassy. After we were done, we went to a nice inexpensive hotel across the street called the Swagman Hotel. It is Australian design. The rooms are small, but comfortable and for a deluxe room it is only about $50 USD. They have a restaurant that serves decent meals.
Since I am used to going outside to smoke because in Davao you are not allowed to smoke in any public buildings, after lunch I was outside the hotel door having my cigarette and I see a foreigner walking down the street near me who looked familiar.
At first as I hear his voice, I thought it was an English accent, so I did not say anything. A moment later this man and his Filipina wife were next to me opening the door to the hotel. I looked over and asked if he was John Browning and he said yes. I reminded him who I was. It was funny, here I am, an American, living in Davao on Mindanao, standing in Manila and run into an acquaintance. We spent the rest of the afternoon and evening with them including dinner.
The next funny part of the story happened at the airport.
In Davao as we were going through the second screening, the security person took my matches from my shirt pocket. I commented that I knew lighters were not allowed, but matches are. He responded that no flame producing items are allowed at all.
At airports in the Philippines you go through 2 security screenings. One when you first arrive and then again when you go to the gate areas.
After the first screening, you check in, get boarding passes and check any luggage you are not carrying on. Then you pay the airport fee and proceed to the final screening. As we were walking to the conveyor and metal detector, I removed my watch and my money clip. I was told to not bother, but to put my shoes on the conveyor to be X-rayed. As the security was patting me down, he opened my pack of cigarettes. He comments about the pack and I joke that I needed 2 sticks to rub together since I had packed my lighter.
He says to me, “Sir, no lighter?” in which I responded “I know they are not allowed.” He then says, “Oh Sir, here” and hand me a lighter.
So here I am in an airport and like a good traveler, packed my lighter since it is on the list of restricted items and he gives me one so I can smoke if needed.
Last summer Elena and I had to go to Manila. We had used a small bag to check in with the airline but had a backpack to carry on with meds, a book and incidentals.
When we were returning, I accidently packed my toiletry bag in the backpack. While going through Security at the airport, the man at the X-ray scanner called over to one of the Security officers saying “He has an aerosol in the bag”
The Security officer motions for me to open the bag and remove the aerosol container. As I remove my tiny travel Deodorant can he says to me as he points to his under arm “Oh Sir, you need that for Protection, you keep that.”
This week we had to go to Manila to officially cancel the petition for Elena’s Fiancée Visa and get her passport back and also get an Affidavit from the US Embassy so we can get married in the Philippines. Because we had to go to 2 departments we decided to fly on Wednesday morning and return Thursday evening.
If you’re a smoker, here is a warning to anyone going to the US Embassy in Manila. Cell phones, digital cameras, cigarettes and lighters are not allowed to be brought into the Embassy. As you go through security, they will take your cell phones and digital cameras and give you a numbered card to retrieve, but they will not hold your lighters or cigarettes. So not to lose them, leave them in your hotel.
Last august while visiting Davao, I was invited to a group called The Friends of Mindanao. They are a social, support and networking group for foreigners. While at the meeting I met a lot of nice people, one being John Browning, a architectural designer from Denver Colorado.
Back to the story:
We arrived in Manila about 9:30AM and took a taxi to the US Embassy. After we were done, we went to a nice inexpensive hotel across the street called the Swagman Hotel. It is Australian design. The rooms are small, but comfortable and for a deluxe room it is only about $50 USD. They have a restaurant that serves decent meals.
Since I am used to going outside to smoke because in Davao you are not allowed to smoke in any public buildings, after lunch I was outside the hotel door having my cigarette and I see a foreigner walking down the street near me who looked familiar.
At first as I hear his voice, I thought it was an English accent, so I did not say anything. A moment later this man and his Filipina wife were next to me opening the door to the hotel. I looked over and asked if he was John Browning and he said yes. I reminded him who I was. It was funny, here I am, an American, living in Davao on Mindanao, standing in Manila and run into an acquaintance. We spent the rest of the afternoon and evening with them including dinner.
The next funny part of the story happened at the airport.
In Davao as we were going through the second screening, the security person took my matches from my shirt pocket. I commented that I knew lighters were not allowed, but matches are. He responded that no flame producing items are allowed at all.
At airports in the Philippines you go through 2 security screenings. One when you first arrive and then again when you go to the gate areas.
After the first screening, you check in, get boarding passes and check any luggage you are not carrying on. Then you pay the airport fee and proceed to the final screening. As we were walking to the conveyor and metal detector, I removed my watch and my money clip. I was told to not bother, but to put my shoes on the conveyor to be X-rayed. As the security was patting me down, he opened my pack of cigarettes. He comments about the pack and I joke that I needed 2 sticks to rub together since I had packed my lighter.
He says to me, “Sir, no lighter?” in which I responded “I know they are not allowed.” He then says, “Oh Sir, here” and hand me a lighter.
So here I am in an airport and like a good traveler, packed my lighter since it is on the list of restricted items and he gives me one so I can smoke if needed.
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