Last November I wrote an article “Living under a Microscope”. In that article I said I had not met any foreigner I did not like.
Well, as time goes on, and you get to meet more people you get to find out what people are saying under their breath, behind your back, or just when you’re not there.
Just as in your home country there are people who are your friends, people you know and people you avoid. There are people you can trust and people you cannot trust. If you are lucky in life you will make good and trusting friends.
As I live here, I am still lucky to have made some good American friends, Filipino friends and some foreigner friends. But just as in your home country you need to be careful with the friendships you make.
For many reasons, jealousy, envy, distrust, prejudice, people will betray your trust or friendships. I am an open and honest person. I know enough not to be rude, but if asked directly, I will tell someone what I think. Some friends in the past told me that was one of the things they liked about me. As the old saying “what you see is what you get.”
Unfortunately there are people everywhere, and the Philippines is no exception that will tell lies about you, about things you have not even said or twist the things you have said into another context.
Why do people do this? I am not sure. Maybe it is a power trip. Maybe it is to alienate you. Maybe it is because they like to control people and situations and you will not fall under their control. There are also people who will love to brag, but if you mention things they openly talk about, you’re at fault.
To me, if you want something kept a secret, keep it secret. Also I will tell my wife, family or friends, if you want to tell me something and it is not to be shared, tell me.
As I said in the older article, there is a smaller group of people here to make friends with but, just as everywhere else, you need to be careful with who you associate with and what you tell them about yourself. There might be someone out there wanting to slander or twist what you have said.
I am not perfect and had said something about a friend that was misunderstood. I am glad he came to me, told me what he heard and let me explain what I said and what I meant saying it. I think and hope that cleared up the problem. This person I like and respect and never wanted to upset him or think less of me.
But, sometimes what you hear is obviously mean and nasty. Even then, because of the smaller foreigner community, you need to just learn, associate but keep a cooler distance from the few you cannot trust.
Let me know what you think.
Well, as time goes on, and you get to meet more people you get to find out what people are saying under their breath, behind your back, or just when you’re not there.
Just as in your home country there are people who are your friends, people you know and people you avoid. There are people you can trust and people you cannot trust. If you are lucky in life you will make good and trusting friends.
As I live here, I am still lucky to have made some good American friends, Filipino friends and some foreigner friends. But just as in your home country you need to be careful with the friendships you make.
For many reasons, jealousy, envy, distrust, prejudice, people will betray your trust or friendships. I am an open and honest person. I know enough not to be rude, but if asked directly, I will tell someone what I think. Some friends in the past told me that was one of the things they liked about me. As the old saying “what you see is what you get.”
Unfortunately there are people everywhere, and the Philippines is no exception that will tell lies about you, about things you have not even said or twist the things you have said into another context.
Why do people do this? I am not sure. Maybe it is a power trip. Maybe it is to alienate you. Maybe it is because they like to control people and situations and you will not fall under their control. There are also people who will love to brag, but if you mention things they openly talk about, you’re at fault.
To me, if you want something kept a secret, keep it secret. Also I will tell my wife, family or friends, if you want to tell me something and it is not to be shared, tell me.
As I said in the older article, there is a smaller group of people here to make friends with but, just as everywhere else, you need to be careful with who you associate with and what you tell them about yourself. There might be someone out there wanting to slander or twist what you have said.
I am not perfect and had said something about a friend that was misunderstood. I am glad he came to me, told me what he heard and let me explain what I said and what I meant saying it. I think and hope that cleared up the problem. This person I like and respect and never wanted to upset him or think less of me.
But, sometimes what you hear is obviously mean and nasty. Even then, because of the smaller foreigner community, you need to just learn, associate but keep a cooler distance from the few you cannot trust.
Let me know what you think.
10 comments:
Hey Bruce there seems to be a lot of s*** about at the moment...examples......
economic woes / world recession
unemployment
war in middle east (iraq, now gaza)
exchange rate pain
shrinking incomes
rising prices
maybe people are feeling the pain and are sharing some unhappiness around.
keep smiling Bruce
Hi Bruce,
I'm so hit with Rick's comment but I'm keeping a positive attitude - like amidst current difficulties, there will always be a solution to a problem. Regarding your post, I think we just need to always understand people all the time even ourselves. That people will have problems sometimes that it would hit them so hard we can not expect something positive out from them. But of course, kind remark to an ailing conflict and an immediate apology will always save the day. There will always be true people around - be it foreigner or locals. We just need to keep a positive character.
Sorry this has to be off-topic.
Regarding your November post, it's not that the locals don't want your presence in the town or country. It's just that, most locals are aloof to foreigners because of fear of prejudice. Such, I encountered, was when one foreigner, not having a good day perhaps, was so mad he had to take a crowded jeepney commute to downtown. Rudely, exclaimed at the passengers on board to move over further inside. Unfortunately, he had to murmur some more rude remarks about the transport system, the weather, among others. Ïnside that jeep was a sad picture of mostly disappointed passengers. Everybody has to bear the discomfort of the jeep. Him, no exemption because he did choose to take that jeep. And, it's what is affordable to most of us. He could have ask nicely or hailed a taxi or have never come to this humid and smelly place at all. Such attitude hurts us to see from a foreigner who we regarded highly as educated and friendly visitors or residents. A lot of things are far from perfect around the country; of course we also want it improved like Singapore or Thailand but insults just would not help bring us there.
James,
I have tried to be a friend to all. It is just some people have 2 faces, the one to you and the one to others.
I try to be nice to all, and will appoligize if I offended.
Just there are people who do not live to same theorys.
James,
I know alot of foreigners abuse the system and coplain all the time. I feel if they hate here so much, go home.
I try to be nice to all, foreigner and Filipino. I always say hello to the gards at the mall, ask how they are and wait for an answer. There are things I do not like, but since I cannot change them, I ned to accept them.
Some people regardless if they are abroad or at home must be in control of every situation. They know the answer to every problem and they feel they are responsible to see that all of us imperfect people do the things they want done in a perfect way. They usually think themselves to be well organized and a schedule is an important part of their daily life. These people are insecure, have a low self-esteem and are weak. The only way they can feel better about themself is by making others look bad and exerting power over them. My advise is stay away from them if possible and if not possible try to limit your contact with them. You are not going to change them because they believe themselves to be perfect. Every situation in their life is a game that they must win.
Tom,
Thanks for your thoughts and advice. I know what you say is true. People so blinded by there need to control have no control of themselves. I will be more cautious and keep my distance. I will need to see them, but will just smile and ignore their false friendships.
P.S. for some reason your comment posted twice so I deleted one of them.
Hi Bruce thanks for your nice review on my blog at link referral. I thought I would come and check out your blog. I like your thinking and your writing is great for conversation. I too am an expat in South Korea and I have found the problem no mater where you choose to live. Even though there are similarities with home, being an expat leaves you with a smaller pool of friends to choose from. No matter what nationality they are. And in that pool there seems to be a greater number of leeches,backstabbers etc who have moved abroad because they can't survive in their own country. And feel threatened by those around them who are comfortable with their expat life.
But if you are particular and picky you can find a very small number of normal people who like you for you. They are the ones who don't frequent the bars or you seldom work with. They are the ones out there doing their thing that you may run into,if you are lucky.
Expat life can be downright fun and exciting, but also frustrating.
Keep posting, your blog is good to read.
Cate,
Thanks for visiting and commenting. I hope you will become a regular visitor and commenter.
I enjoyed your comment with the understanding of where my attitude is comming from. I will enjoy to follow your blog too.
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